


Satisfied

by LessFeralKiyondo



Series: DirkJake Week 2020 [2]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: 1700's AU, Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, DJWK20, Day 3: Fantasy, Depression, Dirkjakeweek2k20, Do not repost, I Wrote This On Impulse While Ugly Crying, M/M, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Not Epilogue Compliant, Plot Twists, Song: Satisfied (Hamilton), Songfic, Written in 2019
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-17
Updated: 2020-01-17
Packaged: 2021-02-27 11:14:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,685
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22296148
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LessFeralKiyondo/pseuds/LessFeralKiyondo
Summary: Everyone, give it up, for the best man, Dirk Strider!‘You’ve got this, Dirk. Just like you practiced. Just...Don’t look at him and you’ll be fine.’ Your fingers nervously fidget with their twin on the other hand, and your heart refuses to give up.You stand, bringing your half full wine glass with you. You can feel Roxy’s worried glances burning through your skull, and you look at her and flash a slight smile, telling her it will all go to plan.“A toast to the groom!”~Inspired by potato potato’s ‘Satisfied - DirkJake (animated)’ on Youtube. Go check it out!
Relationships: Calliope/Roxy Lalonde, Dirk Strider/Jake English, Jake English/Dirk Strider, Jake English/Jane Crocker (unrequited)
Series: DirkJake Week 2020 [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1599382
Comments: 4
Kudos: 17





	Satisfied

_ Everyone, give it up, for the best man, Dirk Strider! _

‘You’ve got this, Dirk. Just like you practiced. Just...Don’t look at him and you’ll be fine.’ Your fingers nervously fidget with their twin on the other hand, and your heart refuses to give up.

You stand, bringing your half full wine glass with you. You can feel Roxy’s worried glances burning through your skull, and you look at her and flash a slight smile, telling her it will all go to plan.

_ “A toast to the groom!” _

You sigh, you can; not look at him for this. You catch a glance at his bright smile, the one that lit up your darkest nights, he one you couldn’t forget, and tears push at your eyes, desperate to break free.

_ “To the bride!” _

Jane clung to Jake’s arm, and you realize that precious smile was pointed at her.  ‘Do it for her.’ you remind yourself, unsure if you’re saying that for Roxy or Jane. Either would work, really, but it’s best not to think about it now.

_ “From your brother,” _

You aren’t really her brother, but she looked up to you like one. She was always the little one, the one that you and Roxy would sacrifice anything for. You wish this wasn’t one of those times.

You catch yourself losing your train of thought and stumble back on.

_ “Who’s always by your side!” _

Jane smiles, and although it made you happy, it also made your heart break for the one you couldn’t have.

_ “To your union!” _

‘They’re happy together, don’t ruin it like you do everything else.’ You tell yourself, words that have become engraved in the front of your mind, ever present when you close your eyes and imagine him beside you, Words that don’t disappear when you try to find someone else to fill his void. Words that cloud your vision as you give a speech in front of hundreds of people on their side, who would never want to see you and your love together.

_ “And the hope that you provide!” _

You look down, and Roxy puts her hand atop yours, grounding you yet again. How many times have you looked out of it already?

Sometimes you feel like the one who everyone has to look after although you’re the oldest. You’re so emotionally unstable with everything, and you tend to drive everyone away. They always were at your side, and you took comfort in their words. But now, only Roxy can help you. Jane can never find out.

_ “May you always…Be satisfied.” _

Satisfied. The word that Jake had uttered during your first conversation, ever present in his smile and his emerald green eyes.

_ Rewind _

You feel your words speed ahead of you, and you assure yourself you’ve memorized everything and allow yourself to drift off, in an attempt to dry your soon-to-be wet eyes with past events that you can’t relive, as much as you might want to.

_ I remember that night, I just might regret that night for the rest of my days. _

You lean on the sky blue wall, looking around at people to possibly converse with. Roxy was aimlessly ranting at your side, and only half the time did you pay attention to what she was saying.

After a while of scoping out the place, you decide there’s no one that interests you, but you decide that the point of your shades were. You focus in on Rox’s words and realize she was talking about a guy in the distance, surprisingly one you hadn’t seen. He must have walked in here earlier.

_ I remember those soldier boys, tripping over themselves to win our praise. _

Multiple soldiers had come to the party tonight, since it was held for them, at least that’s what you thought. Your father, or, bro,as he wants you to call him, probably said that to cover up that he wanted you to find someone to mingle with and eventually marry.

Almost all of them were big, burly men who barely interested you. Ever since your last boyfriend, you found a disinterest in those kinds of men. The dorky ones appeared to stand out more.

_ I remember that dreamlike candlelight, like a dream you can’t quite place. _

Before that first glance, your memory is fuzzy. Even Roxy was unrecognizable in that recalled moment. Sometimes you wonder if Roxy had wandered off before, but usually dismiss it as she was near you moments later.

_ But Jacob I’ll never forget the first time I saw your face. _

You look up slightly and find a tan male standing before you, smiling widely as if he hadn’t seen you in years.

“Can I help you?”

“I’d love to chat with you, if that isn’t too much to ask, my good sir!”

_ I have never been the same, intelligent eyes in a hunger-pang frame. _

Dear lord, he was beautiful. You reconsider walking out of the ballroom alone tonight, and decide that he’ll be yours. But really, if someone were to look into your head, they would find your thoughts weren't’ exactly coherent at the moment. More like, ‘he’s mine tonight bro marry he’s beautiful’, if you could describe it somewhat accurately.

_ And when you said hi I forgot my dang name, set my heart aflame, every part aflame, this is not a game. _

“Hello?” He waves his hand in front of your lovestruck face, and your heart feels like it was lit aflame.

“Sure, sure.” You say, trying your best to remain calm around this once-in-a-lifetime man.

_ “You strike me as a man who has never been satisfied.” _

How you got outside with him was a blur, but, of course, you would never forget what he said to you out there. The conversation went as follows:

_ “I’m sure you don’t know what you mean, you forget yourself.” _

_ “You’re like me. You’ve never been satisfied.” _

_ “Is that right?” _

_ “I have never been satisfied.” _

_ “...My name is Dirk Strider,” _

At this point your lips were inches away from his, and if you just kissed him there and then, none of this would’ve happened, he would’ve been yours.

_ “Jake English” _

_ “Where’s your family from?” _

_ “Unimportant, there’s a million things I haven’t done, just you wait, just you wait.” _

He had since separated his hands from your shoulders and was staring at the sky with the same amount of stars in his eyes as the sky. You can tell he wanted to tell you everything, and you would be glad to sit through it all. His accent made your knees weak, and you would gladly make it the last voice you hear.

_ So this is what it feels like to match wits, with someone at your level! What the hell is the catch? It’s the feeling of freedom, of seein’ the light, it’s Ben Franklin with a key and a kite! You see it, right?The conversation lasted two minutes, maybe three minutes, ev’rything we said in total agreement, it’s a dream and it’s a bit of a dance, a bit of a posture, it’s a bit of a stance. He’s a bit of a flirt, but I’m ‘a give it a chance. I asked about his family, did you see his answer? His hands started fidgeting, he looked askance? He’s penniless he’s flying be the seat of his pants. _

You spent the next few minutes chatting with him, sharing past troubles, and little things like your hopes and aspirations for the future It surprised you that he wanted to join congress, and his reason was ‘It’s the best way to make this run-down country a better place. You can’t just lay around and hope others will do it for you!” And you guess you agree. You have spent nineteen years of your life noticing the problems with this country, and in the word, but you had never thought you could actually help fix them. You were just a spoiled guy white guy, anyway.

You had brought up the topic of his family, but he didn’t keep that going very long, He did tell you that he didn’t have very much money, and you instantly wanted to ask his hand in marriage, help both him and you out.

But you didn’t.

_ Handsome, boy, does he know it. Peach fuzz and he can’t even grow it! I want to take him far away from this place then I turn to see my sister’s face and she is-helpless-and her eyes are just-helpless-and I know she is-helpless-and I realize three fundamental truths at the exact same time. _

“Shall we go somewhere more...private, perhaps?”

He smiles and your heart swells. “Why not, my good sir.”

Just as you walk inside, you catch a glimpse at Jane, and she looks completely lovestruck. You’re happy for her until you find out who she’s fallen for. Jake.

You want to grip his hand tighter, tell her he’s yours, but Jane looked so happy, and she didn’t look that way often enough. You change course, and take him to meet Jane, and he notices.

_ “Where are you taking me?” _

_ “I’m about to change your life.” _

_ “Then by all means, lead the way” _

_ Number one! I’m a boy in a world in which my only job is to marry rich, my brother has no girls so I’m the one who has to social climb for one, so I’m the oldest and the wittiest and the gossip in New York City is insidious and Jacob is penniless, hah! Doesn’t mean I want him any less. _

_ “Jane Crocker.” _

_ “Crocker?” _

_ “My friend.” _

_ Number two! He’s after me cause I’m a Strider brother, that elevates his status. I’d have to be naive to set that aside, maybe that is why I introduce him to Jane, now that’s his bride.” _

Weeks after the ball, Jane and Jake were writing to each other constantly, with a few visits here and there. You can’t help but be jealous whenever they steal kisses and love-filled glances at each other, so you quickly start trying to find others who can replace Jake, to no avail.

Two years pass and Jake had finally asked for Jane’s hand in marriage, and when she says yes, you fall apart. You rarely leave your room for weeks after the event, with rare meal that only have two or three bites taken from them. Roxy frequently sat in there with you, and constantly comforted you through your tears. It never helped.

_ Nice going, Dirk, he was right you will never be satisfied. _

Nobody was able to cheer you up from this pit of darkness you had fallen into, not even Calliope, the platonic ray of sunshine in everyone’s life. Unfortunately, she wasn’t a full sun like Jake. Eventually, tears had soaked every inch of your room, including multiple shoulders. Mostly Roxy’s. At least she was able to find love in Calliope, and being the wonderful sister she was and is, she was never lovey-dovey with her around you.

She’s the only reason you persevered through the pain life had thrown at you.

_ Number three! I know my friend like I know my own mind, you will never find anyone as trusting or as kind. If I tell her that I love him she’d be silently resigned, she would say ‘I’m fine’, she’d be lying. _

You always knew confessing was an option before they got married, and Roxy had always made it terribly clear as well. But, you couldn't do that to her. She deserved him more than you. You would only drive him away, and make it impossible for anyone to have him. You wouldn't be any better a boyfriend to him as Jane is.

_ But when I fantasize at night it’s Jacob’s eyes, as I romanticize what might’ve been if I hadn’t sized him up so quickly. At least my dear Jane’s his wife, at least I keep his eyes in my life. _

“Jake, I love you.”

“I know, love, you don’t need to keep telling me!” He smiles and kisses you, and you happily kiss back. You don’t ever want to leave his touch, want to bask in his beauty as his peppermint lips press against his-

Your eyes snap open, and your eyes are wet. You were dreaming about him again. The fabric around your face was wet, and you can tell you were crying a lot. These dreams had only become more frequent as Jane’s wedding day came closer, and sometimes they were so tear-provoking Roxy would be waking you up, and spending the rest of the night in your room.

These dreams had never crossed the line of lust and romance, and you’re thankful they didn't.

_ “To the groom!” _

Roxy looks at you worriedly, and you realize tears had started falling from your eyes. Your mind had gone too far.

_ “To the bride!” _

You give in to the pressure of the tears and cry as everyone’s eyebrows furrowed together. Even Jake’s. How dare he look like he cares about you. He took your heart and broke it to the point of no repair, and there’s no way to fix it. How dare he stand up, and motion for you to stop. You keep going, not caring what he did anymore. Jane was sharing worried glances with Roxy, knowing full well you don’t cry.

_ “From your brother!” _

Roxy takes your hand gently, and you glare at her, fully intending to get through the speech. You’ve only got two more lines…

_ “Who’s always by your side!” _

Jake had resorted to walking in front of you, and you couldn’t look at his face. You drop the mic in your hand and run out of the room, tears flowing like a waterfall out of your eyes. You can’t take this anymore, you can’t live through this pain, you can’t look at his face again.

You burst into the men’s bathroom, immediately falling to your knees in front of a sink, thankfully noticing no one was there.

_ “To your union!” _

‘They don’t deserve this, how dare you ruin their perfect day. This was supposed to be the day of their lives, and you made it all about you! You selfish freak! Even if you did ask Jake, he wouldn’t love you! Why would he? You’re just another little boy to throw aside, someone to experiment on. You don’t deserve happiness. She does.’

You couldn’t breathe. You tried your best to keep quiet, but know you’re full-out sobbing.

‘You can’t even cry in silence! You’re pathetic, no one would ever genuinely love you, nonetheless Jake!’

_ “And the hope that you provide!” _

Jake and Roxy stand after a futile attempt to leave him to his own devices, an idea proposed by Jane. Roxy knew full well what he could be doing, and it didn’t matter if she was supposed to give a speech next, her brother was not leaving her, and she needed to prevent it.

_ May you always…be satisfied _

You hear the bathroom door open, and expect Roxy to walk in, so you stand, trying your best to hide your puffy eyes, only to see Jake. You wanted so bad to punch him, leave him with a physical scar to match your emotional one. You wanted so bad to tell him off, tell him you loved him, anything. But anything you tried to say caught in your throat, and you sob even harder.

_ And I know...she’ll be happy as his bride _

“I know this is your day, the one you’re supposed to cherish for the rest of your life, but I’ve just ruined it. Made it about me. I-I’m so sorry. I should’ve never come, never inflicted you with the burden of knowing me. You’re happy with her, and I guess I just can’t live with that. I-I love you, Jake. I’ve loved you ever since I first saw you. I just want you to know.”

_ He will never be satisfied. _

“I know, Dirk. I feel the same.”

Your eyes widen, and once you process what he said, your mind goes blank. “W-what?” You stammer.

“I love you, too.”

_ I will never be satisfied. _

**Author's Note:**

> If this gets enough attention, I might write a second part to this, like I said last time. That is, if I don't make any impulsive deletes again.
> 
> As always, comments and kudos are appreciated!


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